I rebel against my body as though I am not the one who inhabits it. When did I learn the word fat? Who taught me to be ashamed of this body?
I was 9 when I became conscious of the “inadequacy” of my body…
From 9 year old me to the me today it has been a journey of self-acceptance about my body, about my quirks, and about the me that exists when all my layers are stripped off. Some days I still struggle, but every day I get to decide if I’ll be defeated or if I’m gonna kick my own ass.
And isn’t that the choice for all of us?
It seems difficult when you’re lying there in bed after the alarm goes off. You’re tired. You just want to go back to sleep. The thoughts of inadequacy fade in and fade out.
This is the moment of choice.
Are you going to take the action to start becoming your greatest self or are you going to lie there and listen to the false narrative of your thoughts?
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself where these negative thoughts come from? For example, for me, why did I feel I had no control? Why did I think something was wrong with me because I’m quiet? Where the fuck did all this shit come from? And why am I listening to it?
I couldn’t overcome an eating disorder with so much negative self-talk rattling around in my head. I couldn’t see that my self-worth was not dependent on a scale until I changed the belief I had in myself.
But before I could change belief, I had to get out of my head and take the right action. I knew that I was tired of not being okay.
Now that I’m on the other side of my darkest times, it’s not all sunshine and sushi (yum). Like I said, I still have moments of “body too fatness,” but I know I don’t have to listen. I can make the choice to divert my mind’s attention to my value as a woman, as a person, that has nothing to do with my appearance.
What I couldn’t put into words but what Mel Robbins says so succinctly is this:
Thinking that you are not beautiful or worthy is a habit; listening to it is a choice.
We have to get honest about who we are, only then can we begin the change. If you believe something about yourself that’s not true, then stop letting it control you. If you believe something about yourself that is true but you don’t want it to be, then you must take action to change into the person you want to be.
It may seem like a mountain, but all we can do is take it one step, one action, at a time.