(This month I’m exploring the topic of letting go. Last week I talked about letting go of the belief that my quiet voice is less valuable than louder voices.)
This week I started digging to find the root of what’s been holding me back.
When I was younger, around 6 years old, I missed the school bus. Just me. Not me and my siblings. Me. My parents then had to bring me to school and I was scared because I didn’t want to get in trouble for being late. So I did what anyone would do, I made up a story:
That wasn’t my bus and I was not late. I was actually early.
My parents didn’t walk me to the classroom because, if they did, this story might have ended right there. I wouldn’t have peaked into the classroom window and decided that that wasn’t my class – that was the class before mine. My sister’s class would have walked by but I wouldn’t have been chillin in the hallway.
I wouldn’t have been sent to the counselor’s office. I wouldn’t have just sat there, silent, because I realized I couldn’t tell anyone about the story I made up because of how stupid it was. My dad wouldn’t have been upset and I would not have had the feeling of disappointing him while also feeling misunderstood (I didn’t know how to express my fear of being late or my fear of being seen as stupid).
Listening to Kick-Ass with Mel Robbins on Audible revealed to me why I have done (or not done) certain things based off of the habit I formed that day. I did not know how to express my fear so I developed the habit of hiding because it allowed me to avoid other people’s judgment and their disappointment in me when I didn’t do something right.
This served me when I was a child but hasn’t been serving me for a while. So I think it’s time I let it go and form new habits.
I know I’m not the only one hiding because of the fear of being judged by others. I challenge you to try and find the root of why you are hiding because it’s so liberating not only to know when you developed the habit but what happened that made you form it.
Only when we get to the root of the issue can we loosen its hold on our lives.
Getting to the “why I started” a particular behavior helps me realize that it is also in my power to stop. I know now that at any moment, on any day, I can start a new story. I don’t have to keep reliving the same story that my 6-year-old self-started.
We all can choose to change our stories.
Today I let go of my fear of disappointing people and hiding my true self.
This week’s featured song is “Yesterday” by Imagine Dragons:
“Here’s to my future
Here’s to my yesterday
Here’s to change
Oh, here’s to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday
Here’s to my future
Goodbye to yesterday