Letting Go of Playing the Victim

For me, this past month has been a whirlwind of self-discovery and letting go of old beliefs that no longer serve my best self. Last week I wrote about finding the root of why I started hiding.


I have found a funny thing happens when you start letting shit go and see where your beliefs stem from – you realize the power was always in your hands and it is you holding you back.

And in the process of discovering things about yourself, you often stop and go, “Huh. Yeah, that’s what I do isn’t it?” Everybody’s “huh” moment is different. Maybe you realize that you’ve been being a jerk. Or maybe you realize that you are a manipulator. Me, I realize I have been playing the victim.

It’s easy to play the victim when that’s all you know. But what happens when you realize you have a choice to not be the victim? You free yourself from expectations and let go of the past.

Icon for Hire has a song called “Demons” and part of the song goes, “Pain didn’t change me, I changed my pain.” The lead singer and songwriter, Ariel Bloomer, says this about those lyrics:

“This lyric is about deciding to step up and take full responsibility for how I feel. The moment I OWN IT-and stop placing responsibility of my feelings onto a person or situation outside myself- I am free to change if I would like to. This is the ultimate freedom- the ultimate empowerment- and it gets me out of victim mode every time. Is there some pain you’re experiencing that you could transform by acknowledging that you are the source of it, rather than giving away your power?” 

(Emphasis mine)

For the past few years, I have been better. No self-injury. No eating disorder. No depression. And nobody holding me back but me. But I still played the victim because poor little Erin is still not understood and it’s not her fault she’s not where she wants to be – I’ve been through shit! – after all.

Although I went through dark times in my late teens to mid-20s, putting the blame on everything else but myself at this moment in my life has not done me any good. I’ve had to look at myself and my limiting beliefs and realize that only I have the power to change them. And so I’m in the process of doing just that.

I know, especially when it’s dark, it doesn’t feel as though we have the power to stop being the victim. We may even feel that our victimhood is justified. But it is always in our control to change how we react to how we feel. We get to decide we don’t want to be victims anymore.

Struggles are real. Pain is real. But we don’t have to let them define us.

Today I choose to stop playing the victim. I choose to let go of victimhood and take control of my life.

{Please visit my resources page if you, or someone you know, is struggling.}


Speaking of Icon for Hire, the featured song this week is their song “Demons”:


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