“Since I was 17, I’ve always hated my body and it feels like my body’s hated me. Can somebody find me a pill to make me unafraid of me.”

That’s the first verse of P!nk’s song “Happy” from her latest album, Hurts 2B Human. I was listening to “Courage,” another great song off her newest album, when this one auto played on YouTube. This song hit me right in the feels. I’ve been spending the past few years unpacking the lies about how my body is supposed to look and not letting my weight determine my self-worth.

But, I’ll admit, that sometimes I still fail at loving my body. There are times I stare too long at my stomach, sucking in the fat to see what I could be. There are times my mind wanders to the negative and I have to reign in my thoughts – pull back the focus on my perceived flaws and compliment myself.

I sometimes wonder if there will come a day all the thoughts about my body will be positive. P!nk’s song doesn’t attempt to have the answers, in fact, I would say that it touches so many people (just read the comments) because it’s a conversation we all could have with our selves or something we could have written in our journals.

It’s good to know that other people out there have these same thoughts and questions. It’s good to know that other people are unpacking this shit too.

What has helped in the last couple of years is following body positive men and women on Instagram. Seeing their posts and the work they are doing to stop all the damage done by the diet industry is super empowering. Being able to not only see but watch diverse actors, models, and singers has helped me to understand humans come in so many shapes and sizes and that in seeing their beauty, I can also see my beauty.

Learning to love my body has been a lifelong process. But every day I get up and try again, learning more and more to love this skin that I’m in, and striving, as P!nk sings, to be happy.

“I don’t wanna be this way forever, keep telling myself that I’ll get better. Every time I try I always stop me, maybe I’m just scared to be happy.”

One thought on “Learning to Love My Body

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