Back and forth. Back and forth. My thoughts like a ping pong ball went from should I to shouldn’t I; do I or don’t I?

Fear, doubt, and uncertainty are cousins. They linger in our minds creating a trifecta of negativity that can pull us down if we let it. When I doubt my abilities I become uncertain of what I know and fearful of the unknown.

I wrote about my rejection last year and I have set myself up to be potentially rejected once again. I interviewed for the same position in my company the last three times it became available. It’s available again. For this reason, the doubt has returned.

And with doubt, uncertainty and fear have tagged along. The cousins tried to convince me not to try.

Fear said, “What if you get the position and you fail?”
Doubt said, “Are your skills good enough?”
Uncertainty said, “Are you sure this is the path? You have failed three times in a row, perhaps this is not your path to take.”

Despite their objections, I submitted my cover letter and resume on Wednesday night. I thought I did great the last time I interviewed. The feedback I received told a different story.

Fear says, “What if you get an interview and it goes the same as the last time?”
Doubt says, “Are you sure your skills and experiences are enough?”
Uncertainty says, “Can you really do great in an interview?”

But there is another story the cousins try to sell.

Fear says, “You cannot fill her shoes.”
Doubt says, “I don’t think you can fill her shoes.”
Uncertainty says, “Do they want you to fill her shoes?”

The truth is, past experiences make me fearful that I cannot do well and that is the reason I have applied again. If I am lucky enough to secure an interview, I get another opportunity to push past my fear and grow. Running away is not an option.

This is a battle between my thoughts and my mental fortitude. I can invite fear, doubt, and uncertainty in and watch them destroy all that I have worked for but I much rather close the door to them and take action that will silence them. Whatever happens happens and I will be stronger because of my choice to not let the cousins win.

After all, I can only be who I can be.

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