Striving to Thrive

I am so close to finishing the first draft of the first novel I’ve had the courage to write. At a little over 94,000 words, I see the end in sight. I only have a few more scenes to write and, at times, it has been sluggish but mostly I’ve been enjoying the process. I’ve recently discovered a set of short stories I started in 2014 and have started editing those. In the mornings, I work on my novel. After work, I work on these short stories.

I’m in that weird place where I see my dreams but I’m still too far out from accomplishing them.

I want things to happen quickly but I also understand that nothing happens overnight; I know the process is what I should be focusing on but a strange thing happened today. I was listening to “Thrive” by Switchfoot and I started to tear up. It came one-hundred percent out of no where and I was surprised at the emotion.

I’m just starting out on this writing journey and this past week I’ve been the most productive with writing than I’ve ever been. The emotion isn’t coming solely from where I am with my writing progress.

I’m in debt. I need a new car before mine dies (she’s 20 years old after all). I want to supplement my income with writing but I’m not there yet. I’m not in the place I want to be. I’m doing more than surviving, but I’m not yet thriving.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m doing great, but in writing down my dreams for the decade I see the work I need to do and the doubts try to creep in. I do a pretty good job at replacing the default, negative thinking with positive truths but I guess, subconsciously, I “feel like I travel but I never arrive.”

Younger me would make myself wrong for feeling these things but older, wiser me understands that feeling this way is a part of being human. In these moments when I feel I’m so far away from my goals, I try to remember how far I’ve come over the last ten years and if I keep putting in the work, keep persevering, I will reach that place where I can say I am thriving, not just surviving.

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